He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
