He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
