Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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