Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
