she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
