If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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