you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
