Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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