Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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