i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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