So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
