This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
