For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
