i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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