Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
