she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
