if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
