I hate your face
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
