I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
