At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
dude i'm inner monologue high
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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