someone threw a dead crab at me
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
