so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
