Old men and throwing up are my life now.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
