Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
