I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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