I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
