dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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