Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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