Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
