she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
