I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
