i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
