Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
