Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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