The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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