New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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