I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
