Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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