I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I love you.
Bad choice
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
