i wish starbucks made bloody marys
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My balls are so social today.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
