You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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