Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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