piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
