i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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