matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
