hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
