I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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