Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
