Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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