she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
