I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
